these all

i'm still 17years old and i have a dream , but may i say this life is supposed to mine ? may i say my shoulder can hold these all?  i mean, i must through its? there's no one do me a favor. like i've said before, you'll never know, if you become a new person or not, ask another people around, then you'll find the answer. yes, that's so i am. i have people i trusted, i told my story, i'm not getting shame to them to tell. i know people, knew about my story, i trusted them, but never tell them. it isn't complicated, it's why i called life. i do not have boyfriend yet and i didn't say just because of this? my life is more miserable than before. i'm sick of the last memories with my ex, you know how much he's so mean to me? but, i can't go on with him. i love him so much. my 1stlove, it's really my 1st heartbreak because my words didn't come out right to him, he found someone better, proud of you, in my deepest heart? and my funny chatty, i always dream you'll marry me someday. hell................ move move and move. i heard this word since i'm in 11 grade? the result, is always ' GAJADI ' and i'm so grateful! too many people i love here, my hometown even it's not los angeles, i love being here! and that word? i heard 3 days ago , again.... for few times. the truth is STILL NOT COME UP! i'm tired ! sooooo exhausted!! I found the truth, i found, i saw, i heard, i felt, i cry and once again I'M TIRED! whatever, someone told me i must fight the fear to TALK and TELL if i found the truth, and i'm not a kid anymore, giving a popsicle , lollypop or a doll then i forget the cases, thanks for you someone! i'll talk if i'm ready fight the fear :") . blogging makes me kinda fresh, i typed any stories, it doesn't mean want to being show off, no i am not! i'm crying while i'm typing, (rightnow? yes i am) , i wanna tell to 2 people i most care about, but?? they're just having their night , have fun :) , it's why blogging is nice. believe or not? when i feel like this, again .. for few times, i never get run off , i never get a smoke, get a drink, to the top? HANG-OVER! i'm not gonna lie.. i've ever thought about , to do , make some fun with , i'm still a dreamer, good-imaginary in this whole world, so.... mymind can't drive myself crazy, wow, i'm crying.... GOD, look at me? can You see? why You gave these all to me? why i am the person?